Monday, July 7, 2014
Finding Freedom in Our Stories - Postpartum Anxiety
Today I read my friend Kate's blog post titled "Finding Freedom in Our Stories"... hence my super original name for this post (wink). It hit me right in the gut with some issues I've been trying to tackle head on and made me realize that I wanted to be open about in a way that would hopefully give me the strength to overcome them.
Since Alexa was born I've been suffering from anxiety. Lots of anxiety. The kind that makes my heart race, makes me fearful to leave my home, makes me forgetful and unable to fall asleep, makes me desperate for escape. After Alexa was born I didn't leave my home for 3 months except for the absolute essential doctor appointments, mail drop-offs, and the occasional craft supply run... though with modern online shopping so easily at my fingertips you'd be very surprised how infrequently I had to leave my home. At the time I thought it was ok... maybe even normal for a new mom to be feeling that way. I didn't have much family around and friends visits were always spent adoring my admittedly adorable baby so I didn't have anyone to speak with about this or to point out the fact that it was unusual. I didn't come to realize the grasp it had taken on my life until very recently and now that it's been pointed out to me it seems glaringly obvious that not all was well.
I wont give anymore examples, but there were many more that should have been great indicators... and really it doesn't matter because what happened is what happened and now it's time to accept that and try to move forward. I share lots of happy moments here on my blog, but today I just wanted to share a struggle in order to find freedom from it. It's easy to share the beautiful parts of life, but that just doesn't complete the picture. My action plan is set up and I'm going to overcome this. It is a part of my story of motherhood, but it will not define my life.